Well Dad its almost been two years. Its been really hard. Everytime I walk by your room or sit in the living room I feel like your about to walk out and ask for a pack of marlboro cigs and a large foam cup of moutain dew with crushed ice because you cant stand regular ice cubes. You used to tell me evrytime we got in a fight that one day you wouldnt be here and I would regret it. And I do. Every night I relive evrything sometimes I wake up screaming and crying. I miss you more than anything on this earth. I wish I couldve helped you. Im sooooooo sorry. There Are days where I want to kill myself just to hug you and hear your voice just one more time. Imiss watching horror movies with you. I wish i could trade or sell something to have you back. you were my hero and my inspiration to keep going through life. I try everyday to live happily and try to forget the bad times between you and me.I wish you could just let me know what to do sometimes. we had so many conversations about life, love, and mountain dews. there is this void in my life without you and i can never fill it with you not in my life. I used to tell you that I would make us a log cabin by a lake and I would take care of you and pay for it all and we would fish from the porch and we would be soooo happy togethter. With you gone, I hate all holidays that involve family meetings I seclude myself from everryone because while they're all sitting and laughing, Im in my room playing all the songs on my guiitar I used to play for you and crying myself to sleep. Nomatter howw much I pray to just be able to wake up from this nightmare, I cant. Sometimes I just go in your room and sit there right next where your bed was and talk like if you were there and I drink mountain dew in a large foam cup just like you did crushed ice and all. I have a wonderful girlfriend named Destiny Alexis Mikos. Dad, you would absolutely love her she reminds me so much of you in a not weird way. Brown hair and brown eyes and always smiling and laughing. she helps me alot more than she will ever be able to understand. I sold all th ps2 games except Ford racing 2 because that was our game. and when I see you in heaven I swear to God you better have A large foam cup of mountain dew with crushed ice, a pack of Marlboro reds in a box in your pocket and a plate of enchiladas waitng on me. I loved your enchiladas. but until then Ill be down here playing my music and blaring heartbreker by Nantucket through mamaws house screaming every single lyric like we used to do because I know youll be singing along with me up there. I love you dad so much. And no man will evr replace you and our memories together in my heart forever.##imported-begin##David Sanders##imported-end##